02.22.2014 

Last weekend I saw “The twisted mirror” guy. I’m not sure if I was running away from here because things weren’t the way I wanted them to be, or if I needed to be hugged and feel loved. Either way, I’m glad I did.
Life works in tricky ways and can be kind of a bitch sometimes (if not always) my friends went out on Friday night and “The cheater” was also in the club and ask them for me, and repeated the -I don’t have a girlfriend- story when they told him he did. In a way I feel relieved I wasn’t there, I’m extremely weak when I’m in front of him and we all know he’s no good, no good at all.
Things are getting not serious but are heading that way with “The twisted mirror” guy, he knows exactly what buttons to push with me and when to back off. He told me he really likes me, even when I never asked for such words, even when he knows I don’t need to hear it for him to get into my pants, even when he knows it’ll take time for me to open up. He’s there, always there and it feels nice.

 02.22.2014   02.22.2014   02.12.2014 

I want to see him

I said to myself in front of the mirror while getting ready to go out. And I felt relieved, I can tell people he’s completely forgotten, but lying to myself isn’t working anymore.

Truth is I want to meet him everytime I go outside, and those hazy moments when I accidentally find him, I freeze, he says hi, he always says hi, and his eyes… even my mom made a comment about his eyes the first time she saw him talking on tv. If you could just see the way he looks at me, the way he stares, he talks without words. And I die a little each time, I feel stabbed, betrayed, empty, stupid, so stupid, eagerly waiting for him to turn around and say -Here I am, I told you I would come back for you…

My grandma told me today -Isn’t it nice having someone you can think about and smile? After all the shit, smile.

 02.3.2014 
And heere’s my favourite one, Palmas do Arboredo, love it.

And heere’s my favourite one, Palmas do Arboredo, love it.

 02.3.2014 
That’s me, once again at Moçambique beach in Florianopolis. Probably my second favourite beach.

That’s me, once again at Moçambique beach in Florianopolis. Probably my second favourite beach.

 01.8.2014   01.3.2014 

I don’t feel like

cooking

or eating

or washing the dishes

.

I don’t feel like coming out of bed

or thinking what to wear

.

Or looking at people when I walk down the street

looking at men and their stupid faces

faces that aren’t yours

.

I don’t feel like

thinking about you and what you’re doing

or me

and what should I do about it

or me

and what I’m not doing

or feel like doing

.

Truth is

I don’t feel like I’m awake

not if you’re not near me

 01.3.2014 

The perfect son in law

That’s basically it. A nice, smart, funny, handsome, working (and studing) guy. Really, no objections. I was actually waiting a little to write about him because not much has happened since I met him two months ago.

I went to a friend’s wedding and he was there. I didn’t noticed him at first but he did. A friend in common punched him in the nuts because he didn’t have the courage to come and talk to me, which I thought was kind of cute haha (warning number one) Eventually we ended up talking all night long, he walked me home, we talked for like an hour on my front door and we kissed. He didn’t asked for my phone though…(warning number two)

He then added me on facebook, and we’ve chatted a couple of times. I talked to him first (warning number three) He’s from a different city and works/studies and lives in another.

I’ve been doubting whether he’s extremely shy or another narcissistic asshole. I’m still trying to figure it out. He’s been very selfish with the clues.

It’s sad, it makes me feel sad. He says he really likes me, he’s the one who looks for me, but does nothing about it when I say I like him too. I feel like shit, it makes no sense.

What am I doing wrong? What does he want from me?

 12.12.2013 
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